Stories of my friends: Joanna

Joanna Albertini is your Italian grandmother. Never mind that she’s in her early 30s and living in Oregon and her children are too young to have kids of their own. Her family calls her “Nana,” but they might as well be saying “nonna.”

No, seriously.

A small gathering at her home apparently requires a parade of food — cheese and pastries and sweets and garlicky mushrooms and popcorn and, of course, pizza were on hand the last time I was in attendance — and a never-ending cache of both wine and coffee. She greets everyone with a hug and a smile, as if we were all family.

See? She’s your Italian grandmother.

But, she’s also your friend whose taste in men is nearly as bad as your own.

When I first got to know Joanna, she and I bonded over the similar, unfortunate experience of going back to the same man, more than once. Or twice. We made excuses for each other and ourselves and offered forgiveness when we slipped. Which we did. Which some of us might still be doing.

Yeah.

And, she’s also your inspiring friend whose next goal is to go on an extended backpacking trip by herself.

(Note: This is not something I would be interested in, but I think it’s awesome that she wants to. She’s inspiring to me in the abstract, in this case.)

And your goofy graphic-novel, paranormal-romance loving friend who really should join my sci-fi book club someday.

And your crafty friend.

And your sweet friend.

And your good-mom-with-cute-kids friends.

And your friend who is horrified when you talk about her sister and s-e-x.

Really, everyone should have a Joanna in their lives.

Me: Hi, Joanna. Do you have any Joanna-adventure stories for me?

Joanna: My last adventure was when I went hiking in the Mt. Jefferson wilderness, and what was supposed to be an 8-mile hike turned into a 17-mile hike.

Me: Yikes. Why?

Joanna: I like to explore and check out new areas and sometimes miss the signs that tell you where to go. I took a wrong turn and kept going and going and going until I figured out this was not the trail I was supposed to be on.

It was funny. I came across a ranger and I didn’t want him to know I was on the wrong trail. He was really hot so I played it cool, like I knew what I was doing and where I was. But the last few miles I thought I was going to die, and I was so concerned about the ranger finding me partially dead on the trail and knowing my adventure was not a purposeful one.

Me: But you survived and the ranger is none the wiser. Good job. Is there anything you learned or had an epiphany about recently? It seems like you and Cat are often having epiphanies.

Joanna: I feel like I often have profound thoughts that I can’t put into words because they wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. So, my brilliance is inside. I keep it to myself.

Me: What are you reading right now?

Joanna: It’s a YA novel. Everlife.

Me: What’s it about?

Joanna: (Laughs.) So, basically it’s based in a futuristic type era where — it makes me think about heaven and hell. It’s about your first life and when you die, you get to choose the realm of dark or of light. Both realms send recruiters because you have to choose a realm before you die so you don’t go to the middle realm, which is a nightmare place. I like it. There’s a lot of action, which I enjoy.

Me: What are you watching on this television these days?

Joanna: I’ve been on a Criminal Minds kick. I’m on the fourth season right now, and I think that if there was a murder I could solve the mystery.

Me: What’s the hardest part of raising boys?

Joanna: Oh man. Honestly, I’ve always only ever wanted boys. It’s easier for me to relate to boys than it is to relate to girls. How my sense of humor and my lifestyle are is more relatable to boys. Um, the hardest part? Probably getting them to not pee on the side of the toilet and to try to aim. But, I enjoy having boys a lot. And I lucked out, because I grew up in a family where everyone has girls.

Me: What one or two people or events have had the greatest influence on your life?

Joanna: Having my children — both of them — impacted me and changed me for the better. I had to adjust a lot of my life for my kids.

Me: Nice. What are your future plans?

Joanna: To go on a bunch of hikes. In the future of this day, I’m going to take a nap. Traveling. Wandering. Wandering through my years.

Me: How do you feel about socks?

Joanna: I’m for them. I’m definitely for them. And socks come in all colors and sizes. How can you not love them? I have cold feet all the time and sometimes I go against the sandals with socks rule. I think women can get away with socks and sandals but men can’t. I can do it because I’m Asian and I look like a ninja when I do it.

Me: Speaking of being Asian, how has your Asian-Italian heritage influenced your life?

Joanna: I think that we got the feistiness and passion from both cultures. Not always a good thing. And we definitely get food from both sides.

Me: Anything else you want to add?

Joanna: It’s my birthday (June 18) slash birth month and I’m so generous enough to share this with the dads. You’re welcome.

Me: Happy birthday.